If you're going to start
dating again after you've gotten a divorce,
there's quite few things that you should
consider beforehand...here's a partial list
you might want to think about:
Dating after divorce consideration
1: Make sure that you are aware of your
own level of self-confidence.
If are considering dating
after divorce, be certain that you are either
confident in yourself as a person or are
at least aware of your level of self-confidence
so you can plan accordingly. Self-confidence
will help you to remain lucid when you're
dating after divorce. Choosing who to date
and why you want to date them can be a major
turning point in your emotional health after
a divorce. If you're self-confident, chances
are good that you'll be able to handle being
rejected or ignored if you're just beginning
a relationship.
If you're truly self-confident,
you'll be able to have the right mind set
before you begin dating after divorce and
any potential let down will be foreseen
by you and "non-damaging" to your
emotional state. Self confidence is perhaps
the most important thing to think about
from an emotional health perspective regarding
dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration
2: How quickly should you date after getting
a divorce?
Fortunately, this is really
only a question that you can answer, assuming
your divorce is truly over with and you
don't have a custody battle that's ongoing,
a dispute about assets or finances, or any
other type of lingering agreement that needs
to be reached that could be impaired by
dating. If you have children, this is a
question of their strength and the strength
of your relationship with them.
If you don't have children,
this decision is entirely up to you regarding
how you'll approach dating after divorce.
Ask yourself how ready you really are to
date again...depending on what you want
out of dating after divorce, i.e., what
the end result is to any solid dating relationship,
will drive how quickly you date again. If
you're simply lonely and think you need
to date again just for the sake of dating
or to test how you'll respond to dating,
you may want to do a serious self evaluation
regarding your confidence level. You will
know when you're ready again to begin dating
after divorce - everyone's different. Know
yourself first, then make the decision.
Dating after divorce consideration
3: Should I date while going through a divorce?
Most coaches, attorneys,
and counselors will tell you that dating
while going through a divorce is never a
good thing to do from a psychological perspective
and a legal perspective. While this article
isn't a form of legal advice, common sense
tells you that if you're in any type of
battle regarding marital assets or custody,
avoid any dating.
From an emotional health
perspective, dating while going through
a divorce can be damaging to you and your
"soon to be" ex-spouse. You'll
be much more mature after the divorce if
you self evaluate to figure out how you
contributed to the events that lead to your
divorce. Handling yourself in a caring and
sturdy emotional manner during a divorce
can be an extremely difficult thing to do...but,
it is a terrific growing and learning process.
Make use of it! Grow as a person and learn
about yourself, and you'll be far better
off after the divorce is final.
Dating after divorce consideration
4: Consider that you may have a tendency
to date someone completely opposite from
your spouse and realize that this isn't
healthy.
Dating after divorce is
tricky! Be smart, realize that the pain
you may have felt at the hands of your spouse
can naturally lead you to want to date someone
who is an opposite of your ex. It is a reasonable
and natural reaction because you might want
to avoid having any pain whatsoever or you
may not want to deal with anyone who might
remind you of your ex-spouse.
If you find yourself looking
for someone who is your ex's opposite when
dating after divorce, take a deep breath
and ask yourself if this tactic is truly
healthy for you. If you answer 'yes', then
you're saying that there was nothing good
about your spouse and that you're a poor
decision maker or else you would have never
gotten married to your ex in the first place!
Instead, think of the things
you'd like to see in someone that would
make you want to date them and look at the
person in and of themselves only. If you
see something in them that reminds you of
your ex-spouse, decide whether that something
is a good trait or an undesirable trait.
Only then can you decide about that person
in positive fashion. Your spouse has or
had some good traits, define what they are
and don't be afraid to see those traits
in someone that you are dating after divorce.
Dating after divorce consideration
5: Do what you need to in order to have
a positive outlook on your future after
your divorce.
When thinking about dating
after divorce, and all the possible fires
that can go with it, keep in mind that you
need to feel good about yourself to be lucid.
A positive outlook on life is key to everything
else, and all the future decisions that
you will make after your divorce. Go and
do fun things with friends and get out!
You should certainly keep your guard up
but don't be overly critical of everything
or you may get so paralyzed be your analysis
that you never actually "get in the
game." Your frame of mind on any relationship
- friend or not - after divorce is key factor
to your happiness. Keeping a clear head
and heart is a healthy thing. If you keep
these considerations in mind, you'll have
a much better time when dating after divorce.
About the Author: Karl Augustine
- Author, "A Practical Guide To Deciding
Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce". **A
resource recommended by marriage counselors
to their clients. http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com/dating-after-divorce.htm
Source: www.isnare.com
GoldDates.com2006